TIP # 1: LEARNING ESSENTIAL CHINESE WORDS

If there's one thing that scares me the most, it's not knowing any Mandarin. Mandarin, for those who don't know, is the primary dialect used in mainland China. I actually know only how to say one thing: "I want to fart."

I'm fully aware that this useful phrase probably won't get me too far at the family dinner table.

A few days ago, my mom learned of my obstinate illiteracy and she offered me her conversational phrase tapes to help me out. As I put on the dusty headphones, I got really gung-ho about learning Mandarin. It's been three days since I started. Now I know how to proudly say in perfectly fluent Chinese- wo men you ge wu xian dian xue xi xiao zu da jia hai: "We have a Radio Study Club and they have elected me then as Club leader." Another powerfully useful phrase.