Trying to get an unprotected wifi signal for my laptop has made me do strange things. Here I am right now in my parents' cramped kitchen in Toronto, sitting on a cold step ladder, near the water cooler with the laptop bent at a 45 degree angle, which gives me, at the very best, 2 bars. In front of me, my Mom is slicing cantaloupe.

Oh, Dad needs the ladder.

Now, I'm sitting on the cold kitchen floor.